Lose the Fear, Keep the Faith

One of my cute friends gave me a book from the BYU 2008 women's conference. There is a quote that I just love by John Bytheway so I thought I would post it on here. It's about having faith. Something I definitely needed to hear!

"We don't have to fear, we can ask the Lord to take our fears from us. When they come, we can evict them and say, "Heavenly Father, I can't do this. You take them; I'll do what I can do. You take my doubts and fears and help me with them, because I've just got stuff to do" We can give that to Him and get back to work. Is it easier said than done? Yes. But we can do it... "They that be with us are more than they that be with them" (2 Kings 6:16)"

There isn't much to say after that. I just am one to struggle with faith and I have doubts and fears more often then not so it was a talk I definitely needed. I think sometimes I'm so scared that I'm gonna make the wrong decision or that I won't be able to do certain things, but with the Lord's hand... we got this.

I am so grateful for my mom. She is such a great example to me about having faith. I know for a fact that she has faced things where she has had to just throw her hands in the air and enjoy the ride because there was nothing left to do but let the Lord handle it. I'm so grateful for her example and couldn't be more grateful for my mama. She is one of the biggest blessings in my life and my greatest role model. I hope one day I can be like her, she truly is an amazing example of faith.

Not too many people know, but she suffers from migraines constantly every day (lately she's found something to help) but for YEARS she would suffer from a migraine every single day and no medicine or treatment would help. Not once did I ever hear her complain in all the years that she constantly had a pounding at her head. Not once did she put herself before anyone around her. You would ask her how she was feeling and if she said she was "good" it really meant "i'm hurting" and if she said she was "ok" the definition of that was, "it's really hurting bad today". But not once would she ever complain.

I don't know why I got so lucky with such a great family, but I am so grateful for them every single day. They each have shown me examples of faith growing up. They are my gratest blessing and my best friends.

Tell me I won't

I had the opportunity to take a class I really quite enjoyed this semester.

Public. Speaking.

I typically don't mind speaking in front of people, but this class was scary for me because I felt like when we did speeches in class that everyone was critiquing everything I said and did.

It's kinda like when someone tells you they are a phsycologist. It feels like they are reading into everything you

say and do.

Well, today we had our last speech. We had to talk about our "key to success".

Speech after speech the topic of "good attitude" came up most of the time. It was entertaining to watch everyone... but I got caught a little off guard when the last person in the class did her speech.

She talked about NEVER GIVING UP.

She was very passionate in her talk and got tears when talking about someone she loved and looked up to. I got the chills listening to her story and the obstacles she has faced where she's learned to never give up. She had blown out her knee and was told she couldn't finish hair school. 3 weeks later, she was back getting her liscense, when on Christmas Eve her OTHER knee blew out. 2 knees that she won't be able to keep by the time she's 30. The doctors told her she couldn't be able to do it and all she said was:

tell me i won't. i'll prove you wrong.

She got back and was able to graduate 3rd in her class. I was very impressed by the persistence of this girl and it made me reflect on my own life. I thought about times when I felt like giving up. I've had a pretty easy life, don't get me wrong. But I think we all face days where struggle to keep a smile on and realize that everything will all work out.

I wrote about never giving up a few posts before this one, but I think it's something that is becoming my theme. I hope one day I will be the old lady who will live hours after I'm taken off life support to show that I'll fight til the very end.

One instance keeps running through my head as I've gone to school this semester.

A few months ago I was told I "lacked the desire for education". I was told to look myself in a mirror and tell myself that I can do it just so that I would have that quality in the bride I was supposed to be for "him".

I remember standing in front of that mirror feeling so insignificant. I wasn't good enough. I was dumb and had a harder time with school. I saw in the mirror a girl who didn't recognize herself. I saw a girl living to be everything "he" wanted her to be. I saw a girl who was indecisive and a girl who saw every flaw in herself. I saw ugly.

I wish so badly that I could tell myself then what I know now. If i could go back in time I wish I woulda said

"Tell me I won't." ...

"Tell me I won't do school... I'll prove you wrong."

This class has helped me gain back some more confidence that I had lost. I am starting to figure out my plan as far as school goes... and secretly, I can't help but wait for the day when I can have a peice of paper in my hand that says I did it. I can't wait to prove "him" wrong about my "lack of desire for education".

But mostly I can't wait to have a degree that I did for myself, not anyone else.

There are so many people who have such hard trials and so often we are told that we are unable to do something. People don't believe in each other. Doctors look at the situation of the problem rather then believe in a solution to the problem.

I have a friend who was in an accident and was told he'd never be able to walk again. He worked his butt off and now is able to say "tell me I won't" as he walks with both legs which once were crippled.

I know a little 5 year old girl who was told she was FAT and needed to go on a diet... age 5?? really? She'll prove them wrong one day when things change.

I started a sales job where I was told I would have a rough time because I was "too nice". Within the first month I was making 29 bones an hour. Tell me I won't and I'll do it!

No matter what kind of trials we face we are going to be put down by people, and worse: ourselves. From now on I've learned to look at it differently and to never give up. From now on my response will be a little different.

Tell me I won't.

Silent Moments

This past week was a year mark to when my sister lost her sweet little baby. I honestly can't believe that it's been a year. So much has happened this past year and I'm so grateful we're on this end rather than the beginning.

To celebrate James' birthday my family went to Olive Garden and visited the gravesite. Earlier that day my roommate said, "Aubrey, are you ok? You seem quiet." If anyone knows me they will probably know i'm anything BUT quiet.

I swallowed hard as I sat on my bed holding back tears of a memory that will forever be engraven on my mind and an angel I will never forget.


A year ago I was on a date as I recieved a call from my little sister about the bad news. I remember curling up in a ball on the kitchen floor feeling so helpless for my sister who was about to face one of the biggest obstacles in her life. I remember laying on the porch that night with a blanket, scriptures, and journal because I didn't know what to do with myself or how to help.

As we stood around the hospital bed, it was one of those moments where no words need to be spoken to understand the pain that filled the air of a broken-hearted mother. No words could explain how thick the air around us felt. All I could do was watch through a blur-full of tears and hold my own heart together with both hands. When a baby is born, they should be the one crying to the oxygen in their lungs.. not the mother.

My sister really did give birth to a complete angel. I know I'm not the mother and I can't comprehend that type of love yet, but for some reason I feel like I love that baby the exact same as anyone else in my family.

I had to give a speech in my public speaking class about someone I admire the other day. My sister Jaymie is definitely on that list because of how she handled such a hard situation. I can't imagine the pain of having your first little one taken away from you when everything seemed to be perfect. He was perfect.
As I gave my speech in my class I looked out into the audience and I could see tears well up in stranger's eyes. Some people really have such big hearts, it's incredible.

I think the Lord gives us "silent moments" where we have to clench our hearts and see life through blurry eyes to realize how important life, love, families, and the gospel are.

I compare Jaymie's situation to how the Lord and even his earthly mother Mary felt when they had to watch Jesus be crusified. I can't hardly imagine. I'm so grateful that when we go through trials Christ is there to carry us through them. Even tho my whole family could hardly eat when going through this, I felt like we had something lifting us through it day by day. I learned how much the atonement can truly save our lives when we feel desperate or heart broken. I couldn't be more grateful for the gospel in my life and the "silent moments" that help us grow and realize what really matters in our lives.

I feel like I am way behind at updating my blog! A lot has changed and life really is so good! School has started and I am working part time and have a job interview tomorrow for another job! Life is busy but it's better that way! I just have to write about what happened the other night...

So.. I've been hangin with this new kid.

Nick Bliss.

He met my mom on a humanitarian trip and came to dinner and we've been best friends from the start! We hang out lots and some how manage to do the most RaNdOm things.

Well.. the other night my friend Amy came down and we were gonna go camping. So we packed our bags (me, nick, amy, and my roommate Makaylee) and we were off to to the woods.

Welp... we get there and it was freezing and just not what we were expecting so we stayed about 10 minutes and left to go get food.

We grabbed Wendy's and headed up the mountain to the 'Y'...

All of a sudden amy and I had a full bladder so we relieved our waters by a rock off this cliff. On the way back to the "toaster" car (or the spank tank as nick would say) THEN... shortly after, BIG FOOT decided to come over and scare the bajeebies out of Ames when she was getting in the car! She literally just about smacked her head on the ceiling cuz she jumped so high! (some high school kids think they are hilarious)

Well, feeling the night had failed because our original camping plans didn't quite pan out we were headed back planning on just setting up a tent

outside my apartment.

Well.. all of a sudden we are sitting in the kitchen and not only did we have BIG FOOT involved in our night but all of a sudden an

ALIEN was in our midst!

haha Ames put a manikin head on her head and put a sweatshirt over it so it looked like she was some plastic creature roaming around. I'm sorry but I have to admit it was pretty funny. So we all joined in. (see pics)

THEN.. if our night hadn't been any more adventurous we decided to play the "flour" game. Well.. it lasted maybe 2.5 seconds because all of a sudden there was flour EVERYWHERE.

Flour Fight.

This wasn't just some powder to the face, this was EVERYWHERE! up our noses, in our eyes, down the pants!
footprints in our carpet!

So Nick picked me up over his shoulder and carried me to the pool. Ames and my other roommate Aubree run out and push us in and jumped in afterwards.

Swimming.

in jeans.

with flour everywhere. Which, with water, doesn't make a good combination at first cuz when I first got wet i felt slightly slippery.

We swam for awhile. Such a crazy but it was just another

Typical night.

life is good to me.. as always.

a day at the gym...

let's be honest...

i know about 3 words in the spanish language.

ALMOST bi-lingual right?! haha

Well.. I work at Gold's gym... and I have a feeling I will have a few stories from work to blog about because I am quite entertained sometimes. I've met quite a variety of people since I've worked there.

such as:

-the old gray couple who show up at 6am faithfully every morning to keep their wrinkles intact.

-the senior missionaries ladies who come for a swim and then put their badges back on to go to work.

-the college 'hot heads' who have muscles the size of basketballs and think they own the place. (which I wouldn't doubt it because they are there for HOURS)

-the 'business men' comin in with their tie after a long day of work to whip out a game of raquetball.

-the mexican girls who were born white but the tanning beds changed their race.

-the fat people wanting to change their life (which really.. i love when they come in! they're the bravest of us all)

Well... this lady came in and when i scanned her card the computer read STOP. Well, I was busy with lost of people so I let her go for a little and then went to chase her down. She could only speak spanish (this is where my talent of other languages comes in) So I stop her and try to explain that we need to talk to her for just a second at the front desk. my words started to get more simple because english was hard for her to understand as well. "One minute... up there!" she still just looked at me SO confused. So FINALLY i whip out 2 words I knew in spanish.

"Uno.. momento!"

and pointed at the front desk.

haha k.. I kid you not. the LOOK on her face was this HUGE sigh of relief and she just started speaking 100 miles per hour thinking I spoke spanish! haha I don't blame her because I'm sure my accent sounded legit since i've had YEARS of practice... but I probably gave her the same look she gave me when I was speaking english! haha the 2 of us couldn't function. So i grabbed someone to speak to her, but it cracked me up! poor lady just wanted to speak her native language and my vocabulary only tricked her!


Other than working at Gold's gym, I just moved in with some really fun roommates, I'm really enjoying school, and loving life! Change has been the best thing for me lately!






-

Sad Eyes Never Lie

Lately I have had a lot on my mind.

This past weekend has been quite interesting. I feel like I am still getting closure from the whole wedding thing and last week I texted Brad... which was a big mistake because it turned into an argument.

He had something I gave to him that I wanted back so I went to his apartment one night to pick it up and apologize for being in the fight that happened. I asked him that I wanted to talk to him for 2 minutes and he said "when and where?" I told him "11.. and I don't care where"

welp, 11 o'clock rolls around...

nothin.

So I texted him and called and he said it was a tough night to meet up. Well I was already at his apartment by then and i said I would wait til he got back (because to me some things are important to say and I'm pretty stubborn if there is something I feel like needs to be done... especially if I live 2 hours away) I was pretty frustrated with him but I waited.

It's 11:35pm.

He stopped responding and didn't say anything but I told him I would wait.

so.

I waited.

waited..

and waited.

His neighbors wold talk to me so at least I had company.

it's 12:30...

now 1:30..

Finally... 2:30AM rolls around and Brad's front door swings open. Not to worry- He had been inside his apartment the entire time with his new girlfriend.

You can see the dilemma already.

I honestly, was completely shocked that he would let me sit outside on his porch for 3 hours. I don't think I could let a stranger sit outside my porch for that long!

I stood up. I looked at him. I couldn't understand or believe it.

I guess he had peeked out and I didn't know.

Most of you know that I helped write lyrics to a song after the break up and I gave it to him. Not to worry, he didn't listen to it. Which is completely fine by me.

The only reason why I was there as to get what was mine and apologize for for the texting fight and just get peace. It's hard for me to understand why somebody who knows everything about you has to become nonexistant and an enemy.

He didn't want anything to do with me and uttered some words about what had happened while his girlfriend was sitting inside... i honestly felt bad for her.

He was pretty cold towards me, but I noticed while we talked at one point his eyes did get teary... I believe in a song that says "sad eyes never lie" i think it's true. After a 3 hour wait we talked for maybe 10 minutes and he was gone wanting nothing to do with me and didn't really care what I had to say.

I walked away completely crushed. My intentions were not to get back together with him, not to tell him I missed him, not to even catch up with him. My intentions were to say "sorry" and grab my stuff.

It turned into one of those nights where I just needed someone to hug the pain away. I slept with my little sister and my cute friend Mand called me the next morning to make sure I was ok.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a movie. It doesn't seem real.

All I have to say is I think boys handle things a LOT differently then girls. I've talked to a lot of boys and they always say the "clean cut" is the best way for it to be done and I can see why they say that.

But as a girl I guess I don't understand why someone needs to feel like they are betrayed or they are an enemy. You dated, you loved, you lost, and why not be grateful for it? it didn't work out, well why not be glad it didn't and move on with life knowing that there is someone you truly appreciate in the world even tho it didn't work out? Why do break ups have to be so messy?

I can honestly say how grateful I am for every boy that I've dated. I've learned valuable lessons with each and everyone of them and I'm grateful I could have those experiences. I am now friends with all of them except the latest, but maybe with time that will come. It's hard being grateful about someone who is so cold and could care less about you, but I really am grateful for what I have learned from him.

Life is good:)

July 28th 2010...my sunrise

Last week I went on a trip to Lake Powell with about 70 new friends. I was hesitant to ask for a week off of work but for some reason I felt like I should go on this trip so i made it happen.

It was kind of an interesting week as well as the best week so far! We all stayed on a houseboat and had about 6 wakeboardin boats, a zipline, 14 foot trampoline.. the trip was awesome to say the least.

It also happened to be the week I was suppose to get married..

July 28th, 2010

The day i've been dreading instead of planning for. The day i've been waiting to get passed instead of count down for.

I do have to say.. i realized a few different reasons why I felt like I was suppose to go on this trip. On trips like these, you learn a lot about people. I don't know if it's the Lake Powell air or if it's because we're all our natural selves with no make up or hair done that we feel like after a week of Lake Powell it might as well have been years of friendships made.

On the second day of being there me and a few girls were just having 'girl talk'. We discussed our lives when I noticed a pattern.. it was kinda ironic that 3 people on this trip had called off their engagements as well. I heard other stories of one girl who had just gotten a divorce 2 weeks before after being married for 2 months and 2 other cute girls who had married someone who didn't deserve them and treated them poorly. My heart ached for these girls as I heard them tell their stories. It made me more grateful for my life and realize the blessings I do have in my life.

People on the trip started to find out that I was supposed to be getting married that week so jokes went around like.. "well now you can sleep with 70 boys instead of just 1" and other jokes were told just to lighten things up. Some of the people on this trip have become my close friends.

We all slept on the top of the houseboat and would laugh at jokes or talk about funny stories and just enjoy the stars.

Instead of the stress of a wedding, I was enjoying one of the 7 wonders of the world! what a blessing!

The morning of the day i was gonna get married I somehow woke up before everyone else did (which.. if you know me, the crack of dawn happens around noon in my book!) but for some reason I woke up at 5:30 to go potty.

When I walked down the stairs i couln't help but notice the most beautiful sunrise i've ever seen. I didn't know a sunrise could be as beautiful as a sunset! I sat and just watched it while everyone was snoozin. I was half tempted to wake everyone up and scream "your missing it!" but for some reason I felt like that sunrise that morning was a tender mercy. I sat and wrote in my journal thoughts and i couldn't help but think

"today is going to be a good day"

Another funny thing, is i have this secret wish that on my wedding day it will rain. I want to be all dolled up, make up, hair done.. but then I want it to POUR rain so I can get soaked and dance in the summer rain with my new husband. I dunno.. i'm such a hopeless romantic dreaming of that... but kinda funny how it rained on the day i was supposed to get married... so we compromised..

I got to dance in the rain on the day i was supposed to get married, but in this case it was with a bunch of friends, on top of a moving houseboat, with suds and soap! we had a big shower in the rain and danced to music! DANCE PARTY!

Some people would say "are you sad today?" for some reason I wasn't. it was hard to think about, but I can't help but be so grateful for my life! That night we went out on a "night" boat ride to pick up some friends and it was a good day!

I couldn't be more grateful for the blessings in my life.. even if they seem hidden at times, i am still the luckiest girl alive!

New favorite quote:

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." - Barbara Johnson

Neighbors and Toilets

Welp... I'm all moved in and life is quite interesting actually. I started my new job and things are going well so far. I am wanting to volunteer as an EFY counselor up here for the summer so we'll see how that goes.

Other than that my life goes like this...

Work.

Apartment.

Pool.

back to the apartment.


Let me introduce you to my neighbors...

We have an apartment with the SWEETEST lady downstairs. I believe she has adopted

10 kids who are handicapped in some kind of way. They all live in a
3 bedroom apartment with
6 cats and they drive
1 white van that fits all of them.

it adds up.

Well... I guess I decided to clog the toilet the other day because I all of a sudden found myself at my neighbors house asking for a plunger. (it worked out great because I was sincerely curious how all these kids fit in this 3 bedroom apartment and this was my chance to take a peek)

bunk beds.

seriously the coooolest apartment I've ever seen! They have accommodated to each of the children's needs. The table has a chair for each kid. Blankets were hung everywhere and it was like walking into a fort like what you would make when you were a little kid. Each of them are seriously the cutest kids ever and the lady that takes care of them is super nice. Great neighbors.

thanks for the plunger.




Meet my other neighbors:

You should probably know..Aubrey's life-time fear:

snakes

So i'm getting home from boating, ready to go jump in the hot tub, and on my way this man with one glass eye was holding a freakin HUGE snake! no, i kid you not this snake was pretty dang big. Taller than I was if it were to lay straight i'm sure. (well.. i guess that doesn't say much saying that when i'm almost a legal midget but still..)

These kids were petting it... can you pet a snake?

you pet a dog.. i would say you slip down a snake.

I mean.. i am quite easily entertained but this had my jaw dropping. but i had to conquer my fear of snakes right then and there.

"can i hold it?" i managed to weez words out of the frog that sprawled in my throat.

This man was so THRILLED to put his huge snake around my neck... but i did it!!!

I stayed calm.

but the second he ripped the snake off my back i leaped 10 feet away and squealed. but all i can say is at least I conquered my fear!!!!


meet my neighbors:) they're great.

Meant To Be

So.. it has been about a month and a half since things got called off. A few days after the drama settled down, my friend Alex Pavia asked me to put my feelings into words and write lyrics for a song he was putting together. I fed him a bunch of stuff and he put it into a way to fit perfectly with the song he wrote on the guitar. He's awesome and I'm excited for everyone to be able to hear it.
Here's the lyrics:

Meant To Be:

We were never meant to be, and everything we had is slowly deteriorating.
Oh, everything I know will all just have to go...
leave me, i just feel like being alone.

You call me back, but i pretend i'm asleep
My hands are cold but my heart is racing
We're fallng down out of this dream
I'm waking up to a burning reality.

I can't stay and I can't go, I try to hid, but I always wanta show
you're draggin out the pain of this goodbye, I gave you one too many tries
We were right but felt so wrong, I'm weak from holding back my tongue
I was blind but finally I see, that we weren't meant to be.

Tears pouring down like rain, and I can't stand this pain
I know that I'm breaking your heart again
Oh and I can't seem to find words to ease your mind
So i'll just leave, I'll leave with this goodbye

I lie awake, the blood in my veins is aching for you, i'm aching for you
Memories remain, but everythings changed,
like an open wound, i'm aching for you

You call me back, but i pretend it doesn't hurt
And I pretend you've got it worse.. I ain't coming back
I'm bleeding slow, I can't let you know
I can't let you see that this is killing me.


When he was putting it all together he would send me rough drafts through e-mail and I still fall asleep to it playing on repeat. It's very theraputic. I've never really written a song that went this far.. i use to put some lyrics together but it's awesome to have someone sing exactly how I feel and that's what Alex did with this song. (let me know how you readers like it!)

As far as updates with life, i'm gettin back on my feet.

Its the stage where:

-You smile because that's what makes ya get through the day to enjoy life.
-Everytime a memory pops in your head, you pray to forget it.
-You don't sob anymore, but once in awhile tears will slowly drip on your pillow.
-When something funny happens you laugh extra hard because you grasp that small moment of happiness.
-Dreams are still better than reality and you wake up with a pit in your stomach.
-When someone gives you a hug you hesitate to pull back because you want them to hug the worries away.
-You watch others gettin married or dating and can't help but gag.
-Your alone in a crowded room.

and last.. your heart just aches.

I've come to realize that life really is too short to be sad tho! Life really is beautiful. I still stand by my saying that:

"Time doesn't heal a thing.. but time with the savior can heal ANYthing"

Even when it's hard, I believe that with all my heart! I'm so grateful for the blessings I have in my life and couldn't be more thankful for my family. They're my best friends.

I've come to realize too that sometimes it's ok that things don't work out.

sometimes things turn out how they're

"meant to be".



*special thanks to Alex Pavia.. check out his other stuff on youtube.. he's awesome.

How old am i again?!

I've been told that I look younger than I am.

As a teenager, i wasn't a big fan of that because when you go on dates, boys think your a child, when you go into a gas station to buy gas, people don't think your old enough to drive.

The other day I was at work and this girl asked how old I was. I told her to guess because I get a kick out of what people think.

"15?"..... "close!" i said... off by about 6 years.

don't worry..i HAVE hit puberty.

But this week has been quite interesting..to say the least.

I was down in st george for a job interview. I was staying with a friend from work and arrived at her condo a little later at night. When I got there, a big white truck was parked across the street. I drove past it to make sure I knew what number I was at and this truck started flashing his lights at me. in my head I thought "ok.. it's probably some punk 16 year old trying to be flirty or something" I went back down the street and looked in my rear view mirror and he was pushing on his breaks so the lights would go on in a rhythmic pattern for me to notice. Sorry, but what the heck?

I finally parked where i needed to (right across the street from this flirty truck), and got out.

His door opens. He gets out.

My first thoughts were "ok.. pretend i'm on the phone" so i quickly grabbed my cell and called my friend.

Next thing I see is this big belly with a tall cowboy hat on. It was dark.. but from the looks of things.. this man was in his 60's.

I didn't know whether to laugh, or run when I heard these words come out of his mouth:

"wanta go country dancing?"

HA! i'm sorry but what?! Was this really happening? I break off my engagement and now the boys are all over me? 60 year old boys! SICK! ha! i didn't know what to say back so i muttered the first things that popped in my head.

I grabbed my luggage and fast-walked to the front door of the condo.

5 minutes go by..

a knock at the door.

this man is ruthless.

He came knocking on the door to make sure I didn't change my mind and have a sudden urge to go throw on my chaps and cowboy hat!

The funny thing is, is that day I had texted some friends down there to see if there was any country dancing like they do up where I live.. I was in the mood for country dancing.. but I had to pass with the 60 year old.

Well.. my dreams of dancing with a 60 year old belly, were soon crushed because the next day a drastic age difference happened once again.

I was at the Manti Pageant and had to use the restroom. All of a sudden some kid comes up to me and says,

"My friends don't think I can get your number... so i'm wondering if i can get it?" in my head i thought "he has NO idea how old i am because this kid looked like he just barely graduated primary. I just busted up laughing and played this little game as i ratted off my name and number.

His friends decide to show up and i look at them and realized it was a friends younger brother and they all went to my high school and were my little sister's age! haha, I started telling them what they're last names were and they got all big eyed thinking "how on earth does she know me?"
Finally the truth had to come out..

"do you know Angie?" and told them the same last name as what I told them earlier when I gave them my name.

They about DIED. These boys weren't 12 they were about 17, but I still just busted up. All of a sudden all of Angies friends who knew me showed up being like "what the heck??" realizing that their friends were hitting on their best friends older sister. haha it killed me.

I dunno which is worse, to be hit on by a 60 yr old cowboy or your little sisters friends who seriously look like they just got done playing with ninja turtles. haha I don't know, but all i can say is it has been pretty comical.

Some Things that Make Me Smile

Sorry but i just wanta post about some things that have made me smile the passed little while. Yes, life has been quite the roller coaster the past few weeks but there have been some funny instances that have happened that i've kinda thrived on to help be happy.

ha!.. and i am already smirking just thinking about it.

FUNNY#1

So... the other night I was having a rough night, didn't feel too great, in a very anti-social mood (which is not like me AT all) I dunno, i just had a case of the water works. So one of my friends brought 2 other friends with her and they cheered me up.

We laid on my tramp with blankets and played random questions. And then all of a sudden the topic got on Lady Gaga. I dunno if it was cuz it was 3am or what but someone all of a sudden said:

"Lady Gaga went gaga!"

I'm sorry, but i BUSTED a gut! so we started adding to it! let me give you some examples:

"98 degress is.. HOT"

"bone thugs and harmony?.. i thought my bones were already in harmony!"

"n'sync is now in sinc"

"Ellen Degenerous is very generous"

"I am as happy as 50 cent in a candy shop!"

"that little rascal just got flattened on a the highway of it's life!"

"Ignite R. Kelly into a remix while i run my hands thru my fro and bounce out of control"

"We shot the moon and it hit the Vertical Horizon, said Uncle Kracker"

"Tom Petty used his petty cash to buy him some toms shoes!"

"T-pain hurt his tibia, Mike Jones doesn't now who he is, and soldier boy is just a young officer"

"Aerosmith shot an arrow at Will Smith"

love this one: "Sherwood burnt down due to a careless arrow shot by Peter... Breinholt" haha i'm sorry but WHAT?! hahahaha

and my personal favorite: "Albert Einstein has scars"..."Albert FRANKENSTEIN!"

The whole night was like that, i have never laughed so hard in my entire life! haha it was like 3 in the morning and my dad had to tell us to be quiet. it's one of those things that you probably would have to be there for it to be funny but i tell ya.. it was hilarious! and i think it still is!

FUNNY #2

So I had just woken up in a great happy dandy mood for once in my life, the morning seemed to be a smile cuz i didn't have work that day.

Well I decided to up and do a victory morning dance.

haha I look over at my mom and she legit was SO discusted. haha the words came out of her mouth were "EW..." like in the most discusted sound like she had just been scarred for the rest of her life!

haha sheesh!

FUNNY #3

My dad. haha quite the character. I love him more than any man in the world! It was like 10 the other night and we were starving so he took my sisters and me to get hamburgers.

We pull in the drive thru

harmless...

There was a specal that night!

even better..

BAG OF BURGERS

my dad "What is this Bag of Burgers?"

the lady "it's a bag.. of burgers."

HA! i'm sorry but are you kidding me? no explanation, like.. plain burgers? cheeze burgers? chicken burgers? soggy burgers? hot tamale burgers? LIKE WE WOULD KNOW!

So THEN.. she has us pull up to the window... i guess the peppermint patty burgers weren't quite ready yet because she had us pull up so they could help the car behind us. haha no worries..

My dad flies into the end of the parking lot. My sister was like "dad.. i think she just meant a few feet"

Luckily that lady liked to jog cuz we got our BAG OF BURGERS in no time.

oh life:) i love it.

Giving Up

I've come to learn that the most important things can be some of the smallest things that mean so much.

When I was about 6 or 7 we use to always wrestle with my dad. There were 6 of us, climbing on his back, tickling his feet, or yankin at his arms.

I remember a certain time in particular. It was all siblings against my dad. A wrestling match for sure. My dad somehow managed to get everyone else runnin and had me pinned. He would tickle me or hold my hands so i couldn't move and would just say:

"Do you give up?.. Do you give up?"

I remember all my siblings looking at me like "You better say the right thing!" My siblings were older too so the pressure as a 6 year old was immense.

Not really thinking, I gave in and said "YES! i give up" and after that he let go of me and the wrestling match was finished. I remember all my siblings being like "Dang! why did you give up?!" knowing we lost the battle.

Once someone said they gave up that meant that dad was done wrestling with us. We all tried to never say we gave up because we absolutely loved to wrestle with dad.

I don't know why this memory has stuck out so much to me in later years. I think it really taught me to NEVER give up because you lose either way if you do.

I remember a few times in my life when I really wanted to give up. Whether it be me falling on my head and almost becoming paralized, failing a class, broken relationships, almost losing a sister, or watching my sister lose her sweet baby.

My dad taught me a great lesson probably without even realizing.

Giving up is not an option.

Sometimes life says:

"Do you give up?... Do you give up?"

All you can do is plant both feet in the ground and look up. That way the battle is half won.

Secret Crush

welp... let's be honest..

i have a crush.... a secret crush.

At work like i've mentioned before, we do dental work on a really sweet family... really big family but really sweet.

Ok and when I say big family... i mean.. pretty big.

Huge family.

and they're all related.

Well.. they are all very well groomed, very polite, gentle people. They're my favorite people to work on because they keep their mouths pretty clean. So having a crush on one of them would sound pretty legit right?

Heber.

He may or may not have a few wives... but i tell ya... he's quite the handsome one.

It's become this running joke at work because I happened to tell my favorite lady at work the big secret. She has all of his information so she wrote down his number on a post-it and gave it to me. We have a "no cavity" club and for February, patients had to write their names on hearts to put on a bulletin. Well, just my luck because Heber happened to come get a cleaning in February so his name resides on a heart... now taped to my locker.

My Valentine.

haha. the best part of this all, is he's poligimist... so it doesn't matter if he's married or not because I could always just climb aboard!

Heber.

Writing with a Pencil

welp, time to get back on my feet! The passed few days i've held in hot tears and can feel the sting on my heart. i remember when i was little i never knew that a broken heart was a physical feeling. I really thought it was just a saying...I've proved myself wrong time and time again. It hurts losing your best friend but I'm trying to look at the blessings from all this. I've had to look passed everything that has happened and have come to realize that life is like a clean white board and we hold the dry erase marker! we can do ANYTHING we want! I know that later in life when i have a family of my own it's a little harder so i can't help but be excited at this point in my life thinking about all the possibilities that are out there! I feel like there have been plans I've made such as teaching english in China, Dental assist in Africa, or even get married... they've all fallen through and it gets a bit frustrating but life really does happen while your making other plans! (my mama taught me that)
I've learned to write your plans out in pencil and give God the eraser. I feel like that is a perfect way to explain how I feel. My mind has been swarming of ideas of how to run away from life. I haven't found a solution for that yet, but have realized that running away probably won't help anything.
I've talked to a few friends who are my same age and in the same "decision-making dilemma" and it is frustrating figuring out life.. especially when you've planned something that isn't going to happen anymore. Let's be honest.. i'm not really wanting to go back to the whole dating scene very quickly, but i've felt like i've been able to look forward to where life could take me and can't hlep but get excited. I happened to stumble acrossed a quote today by my favorite President Gordon B. Hinckley... (it's probably not good to have favorites.. but he really is)
He said: "Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged, things will work out"
This is helping me get through the heartache and pain. It helps me know that it'll all be ok. Life is hopeful. Life is good.

Broken

Isn't it funny how it seems like everything breaks at the same time? I've heard bad luck comes in 3's and i think that's what happened to me this past week. My phone? broken. My car? broken. My engagement to be married on July 28th? broken. I have been asked a lot about what has been happening so I figured I would just blog about it. Plus it is helpful for me to write as well.

Not too many people knew, but I was scheduled to be married to Brad Sturgill on July 28, 2010. We had the temple set for 10:20am and had a reception center paid for. Since we weren't "officially" engaged and July would come quickly, I started to secretly plan for the big day. I had a dress I liked, photographer picked out, and things were rollin.

But events happened that put the planning to a hault. The 2 weeks before, things seemed to be different. For once I felt so confident and good about it, but Brad seemed nervous about the whole idea. I thought I would give him some time to work things out since he did the same for me awhile back.

I talked to him and there were some things we both learned about each other, things said that hurt each other, and things done that broke each other. Trust vanished and we broke up the night before he proposed.

I drove home that night realizing that the person i loved questioned marrying me because of my lack of desire for education. I couldn't sleep all night and stayed up til about 5am. (i have to wake up for work at 6:30) I thought to myself "i love him enough, so I will sign up for classes if that's his concern." So i somehow managed to get a class schedule for the upcoming Monday. I went to work and was still so hurt that I ended up having to go home. I cried to my mom and she told me that I don't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I didn't have to go to school if I didn't want to. There are a few details I will leave out and things misunderstood. Brad will never say a mean word about me and I would like to do the same.

The next day I decided to go talk to Brad face to face to clear up some things. As i was driving on the freeway I noticed my car started acting up. I looked down at my gages and everything had fallen to zero. My radio was blinking on and off and the lights went dim. I pulled over and called Brad because he knows a lot about cars and could tell me real quick what to do. He told me he was on his way up (which I appreciated because I knew he wasn't the happiest with me either) He told me to get off of the nearest exit if I could. I put on my hazards and managed to slowly roll off the exit. I told him I thought I could smell something burning and after a second he said "wait, you smell something burning??" I sniffed again and then said, "Actually no... it's a skunk"..(haha i don't know why I think this is slightly funny because I'm such a dork when it comes to emergencies... i over panic) So Brad is still on the phone when I pulled off a dark exit. No street lights and my lights were getting worse and worse. I was going down a hill and all of a sudden everything stopped working. Lights.. and even worse...my breaks! I was rolling down a hill and had no breaks! That is a huge fear of mine and again I started to panic! Brad had to remind me of the E-break that was next to me. (mind you.. I had 1 and a half hours of sleep so my mind wasn't all there anyway) I finally came to a stop and realized that cars couldn't see me because it was so dark and my lights were off. Stupid me.. I get out with my ipod light to show people that I was there but cars flew by me inches away! Brad had to hear me go through this whole thing and finally was able to pull up to help me. He was able to coast my car to a safe position and checked things out with my battery but needed some tools from my house. He knew how upset my parents were with him so when he took me to my house he parked clear up the street. I went to grab the tools in my garage and I ended up talking to my mom and just broke down. Brad had told me he wanted to talk to my parents so my mom said they would go get my car later if Brad wanted to come talk to them right then to tell them his side of things and what had happened the night before because family was brought up as well.

I felt stiff. numb. exhausted. tears were shed for most of us, and Brad was gone. My parents weren't mean to him, they just wanted to see his side of things. They would protect any of their kids with their lives physically, emotionally, or spiritually. But the only reason for the conversation was to see his side of things out of respect to him and sort things out that had been said.

To make this long story a little shorter I talked to Brad the next day when I returned his clothes. We talked for over 12 hours. We apologized and forgave and now it's our job to forget. We decided that we won't be getting married and we won't be dating right now.

Isn't it interesting how a person you become so close to can be lost in a matter of one day? Isn't it interesting how you can invest your whole soul into one person and trust them and it can be lost with words? Isn't it interesting how a misunderstanding or miscommunication can make you lose 7 pounds in 3 days? Isn't it interesting how a person can go from pure bliss to pure misery in a matter of seconds? But isn't it interesting how even tho hard things happen you can still forgive and feel peace again?

I can't say I feel peace. In fact I still have a pit in my stomach, my heart aches, and I wake up hoping it was all a nightmare every single morning. I would have never expected that I would be the girl who's groom wanted to postpone a wedding because of his nerves and my lack of desire for education. I would never expect I would be the girl ends up canceling the big day because I didn't feel good enough.

I feel like I have learned a great lesson. I have left out a lot of details because there are some things that were really personal with the experience as well as other events that took place even months ago. I really feel like the Lord watches over us in our trials and is closer than we know. I'm not sure where life is about to take me whether it be a great opportunity to serve people outside of the U.S. or serve a mission. I feel like I have just been thrown into the world to start over. But I know that things happen for a reason and all I can really do is keep my chin up and make the best of any situation I'm in.

My friend sent me an e-mail that talked about breaking up without falling apart. There were some interesting things in there. Sometimes it's ok for 2 people to not be meant for each other. Sometimes it's ok to go our seperate ways even if you planned otherwise. One thing tho that I will never understand is how the person you date and become so close with, share everything with, live your life with.. once you break up things are never the same.

Awhile ago a friend gave me this song called "Broken" by Kenneth Cope. When I first listened to it I thought it was weird because I didn't get why God loves "broken" things. I now understand why he does because he loves me when I'm broken. I truly believe that sometimes things fall apart for other things to fall together. Here are the lyrics:

"Broken clouds give rain

Broken soil grows grain

Broken bread feeds man for one more day

Broken storms yeild light

Break of day heals night

Broken pride turns blindness into sght

Broken souls that need his mending

Broken hearts for hoffering

Could it be that God loves broken things?

Broken chains set free

Broken swords bring peace

Broken walls make friends of you and me

To break the chains of sin

To break the news of him

To put on christ il his name feels broken in

I believe that God loves broken things

Yet our broken faith, our broken pomises

Sent love to the cross

And still that broken flesh, that broken heart of his

Offers us such grace and mercy

Covers us with love undeserving.

Broken soul that cries for mending

This broken heart for offering

I'm convinced that God loves broken me.

Praise His name my God loves broken things."

The past 8 months have been unreal and I don't remember a time that I've been that happy. I am so grateful that I was able to have dated Brad and have learned very valuable lessons. Even tho it sucks right now, I'm still so grateful for the life that I have and for what I've been given. At the beginning of my blog I wanted to write about the people who have changed my life for the better or the "angels" in my life. So I have nothing to say badly about Brad other than I'm so grateful for the time I got to spend with him.

just a few of my favorite things

77%
greased roller-blades
wet green grass
"i love you" in sign language
hot lava
ferries
rain
snow angels
city lights on the mountain
the star a little lower and
left of the moon
black eyed peas
onesies
bridges
indoor surfing
sand dollars
pirate ship park
craw fish
waterfalls
big retro glasses
costumes
flour
pretending to win jackpot
at nickelcade
double dog dares in fountains
spoons on nose
rainy runs
chicken DORITO taco
cannon beach pizza
leading like August Rush
tone deaf people
roof of my car
dejavu's
sweats
old gas stations
at bear lake
jazz
jon wall and demarcus
missionary "practices"
side burns
warm blankets
notes
icy hearts
cheese fries-straight heart-attack!
painting and hardwood floors
scary stories but not too scary
big purple rings
mac n cheese
puff of air water balloons
dan in real life... i mean "the life of dan"?
fallen angels
popcorn
kissing lazer tag
street lights
oreo shakes
laundry mats
lola
ninja turtles
aquariums
go-carts
chipmunks
cold feet in warm tubs
sunday drives
birds chirping at 3:30am

just a few of my favorite things:)

Beach Bod Fitness

So... recently Brad has been gettin all into working out to be in beach bod shape for summer this past week! He's made a pretty good deal with me that if I do certain things I can earn new work out gear! (which lets be honest.. i couldn't complain)
i'm pretty good at trying to eat healthy or excersize... i could definitely do better. But i'm not the type of girl that can just pick up and run 10 miles with no sweat! running is the absolute worst!! In elementary school i could beat any boy with pull ups on the bar but when it came to the mile run i was probably in last place with swits and a red face and needing an inhaler!
So, Monday was when we started this whole fitness kick. (i swear it always has to be a monday... "next monday i'll start") but we did. It was pouring rain but we ran anyway. Mind you.. Brad hasn't worked out in ages but still can do just about anything you ask him too! I was expecting him to just run circles around me the whole time. We start running and the first thing he says is "My distance, your pace" so of course i'm thinking, "yes.. my pace... we can walk the whole way if i wanted to!" So we start going and I kid you not.. it was NOT my pace at ALL! we were running uphill most the way. haha I kept making up excuses like "i'm cramping up" or "i have to throw up" or "i gotta go potty" or "i can't breathe!" haha I was DYING! my favorite excuse i've come up with is "My legs are shorter than yours so i'm running double you're distance!" I thought we were only running a mile but afterwards we measured it with my car and it was over 2! Kill me.
But ever since i've tried to keep running and so far so good. Brad cracks me up sometimes but luckily he was very encouraging during the whole process...and making sure i ran every step with my knees up high. haha
it obviously was a big event to me if i have to blog about it! so wish me luck on this Beach Bod Fitness! I'm planning on running a marathon by the time i'm 90. i think that'll give me enough time to warm up and learn to love running!

Nasty Cat!

I'm sorry but i am SO grossed out! we have a stray tom cat that sneaks into our garage and does one of the following: sprays his territory, pees on everything, mates with our cat Mittens, or eats something nasty and won't breathe with his mouth closed... either way it REAKS in our garage. well we have this huge case of gatorades in the garage that are my favorite so the other day I decided to grab one and i literally was in the garage for 2 seconds. While I was driving to Brad's, I could smell the nastiest smell: cat. on my hands, arms... in my hair. I was drenched in a skunk spray of CAT!!! it was discusting. I got in Brad's car and he could hardly look at me I smelt so bad. haha all i remember is him opening his car door, spitting on the street, shutting the door and saying "90% of taste is smell." haha. So i changed clothes and sprayed myself down with some air freshener (didn't have time to get in the shower for the second time) and after I left, Brad had to wash the pillow I laid on when we watched a movie. Well.. I had to keep the windows down while driving... meanwhile wishing I could just enjoy my lemon/lime gatorade. I even wiped down the bottle with surface wipes. I used antibacterial gel for my hands, lotion... soap.. nothing works. Ew. I can't imagine what old ladies who have a million cats smell like!

So then today my sister needed a gatorade at 7 in the morning before school. I guess she was thirsty because she didn't even care that I warned her about the cat smell. But secretly I think she was too tired to realize. So the same thing happened to her except she had to sit through school smelling like cat throw up or whatever it is! haha I called her to warn her that the stray cat might have peed on the gatorades and she's all "shoot... i drank the whole thing" haha she said she washed her hands and went through the same routine as I did with the lotions and anti-bacterial gel.. nothing works. I swear this beast is more like a skunk than a cat!

So i get to work and finally got the smell off but i swear there is a cat smell at work too! I told everyone my story and people come in the office and say "it smells like a cat".... the workers look at me but I swear I finally got the stench out! So my favorite lady at work decides to put up a pic of 2 cats... (see pic) just to make a joke of this whole cat problem.. which it really is a joke!

My Favorite Grandpa

I just have to write about my cute Grandpa. I have to say that I really truly believe that I have the best grandpa anyone could ever ask for! He would do anything for anyone in a heart beat and treats my grandma like a princess. Ever since I can remember, anytime he sees me or any of the other grandkids he'll say stuff like "you look pretty today" or.. "looks like a pretty bouquet of flowers we got here" (if there were a few of us together). When we were really little he'd let us pinch his nose and a squeaking noise would come out of his nose that we could never figure out... to this day i still can't!
Grandpa is the head of the whole family. In his front living room he has a picture of all of his kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. He treats us like we're his very own. I look up to him so much and have had very special experiences with him.
A few years ago he gave all of us grandkids a brand new gold coin. He related it to us and how it's shiny and how we need to keep it clean always and keep it in our pockets to remind ourselves to be clean and make right decisions. I've always thought this was so neat so i've kept mine in a pocket in my purse since the day he gave it to me. No i'm not perfect, but it is a helpful reminder to be better. He has a hobby of carving walking sticks! He's incredible! So I asked him if he could make me one and he did. Yesterday he came over to grab something from my mom and I gave him a thank-you card for the coin and the stick and told him how much i loved him. I had to leave the same time he did and when I stopped to see why he had pulled over and to blow him a kiss goodbye, I could see through the window that he had pulled over just to read the card I wrote him. How cute is that??
One time when I was up at Utah State, I got in a bad accident which you can actually watch if you click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODkLAY-GQmA
I was in a gymnastics class and had to leave for a few weeks because of stitches I had to get on my eyebrow (which is a different story) so when I came back I wasn't use to doing the trick I had just learned with a spotter. But i thought i was invincible I guess cuz I decided to still do it... and not only that but film it to show my mom. Instead of landing a perfect 10 i landed on my face with my feet landing on the back of my head. After it happened the whole class came over to see if i was ok. I didn't cry, I was confused and in too much pain to cry. It really felt like I hit a brick wall going 50 mph! My teacher watched the video and we decided it would be best to have the ambulance get me just in case I had any kind of head/neck/back trauma. I remember the guy calling my mom and the first tear that came to my eye was when he was talking about my chances of becoming paralyzed. When I got to the hospital the nurses and doctors all watched my video and let's be honest.. it is kinda funny so some couldn't help but laugh a little even tho i was strapped to a stretcher wondering if I broke my neck or not.
My roommates took good care of me, and luckily I was able to post the video on Youtube to show my family what had happened. This is the connection with my grandpa. I've showed many people my video, and everyone will cringe or laugh... but when my mom showed my cute grandpa the video, he had a tear go down his cheek when he saw how hurt I was. I ended up very blessed. I couldn't move my neck up and down but after a lot of X-rays, exams, and a stiff neck, I was able to walk away with just a neck brace and some pretty intense pain medication. I just will never forget my mom telling me how much my grandpa cared for me that day because that meant the most to me to know how much he loves me and was concerned about me even if I didn't have an opportunity to see him as much up at school.
My grandpa means the world to me. One time he was going through a hard time with some medical stuff and had to be in the hospital for a little bit. When he felt like he might not make it he told me to lean down by him because he needed to tell me a secret. I leaned down and put my ear close to his mouth so I could hear what he had to say and he whispered, "Just know out of all the grandkids, you're my favorite grandkid." I believed him. He's my favorite grandpa and I look up to him so much. While I've dated people I've always looked for people with his characteristics because he's amazing and I'm so grateful for him.

Leading in Church

I got a calling a couple months ago of being in the ward music committee. So i lead the music in sacrament meeting every other week and switch with another girl on the committee. Sometimes I think there are callings that are "extra" callings to make sure everyone does something, which i'm more than happy to do I just love when I hear callings that seem a little stretched, but at least things are getting done right? I think it happens probably more in singles wards to make sure everyone's involved.
Anyway... yesterday I had to lead, and I don't love doing it but I am more than happy to. Bradley came to church with me and sat on the 3rd row so I could get up and lead easier. Well.. sometimes I feel like drawing my name in cursive in the air when i get off beat.. but this time... i was feelin "We Thank Thee oh God for a Prophet"! So I looked down at Brad and he mouths, "both hands!" haha so of course... I had to do it to spice things up! But when I did it my face turned BRIGHT red... I could feel tomatoes starting to form on my cheeks! haha but I will never forget Brad's face in the congregation! His smile was so big it almost burst to a laugh. I finally got done and sat by him and he says "Easy there, August Rush!"
This story is probably one of those "Guess you had to have been there" type of story, but I just love how it doesn't matter what me and Brad are doing, something is always entertaining, whether it be playing hot lava on the couches or trying to look like chipmunks. (see picture) I love that we can always laugh but at the same time be serious when we need to be. Life is good and I'm loving my time with my best friend!

Saving the World One Cavity at a Time

I just have to laugh. My job as a dental assistant can be quite entertaining and discusting all at the same time. Working at a dentist office you get to work with all kinds of different people. Happy people, negative people, roudy kids, funny old men, boys preparing for missions, people still scarred from the war, gaggy people, people so scared they can hardly keep tears out of their eyes, teenagers just here for the laughing gas, grandpa's that need a snoring nap right when your working on them, polygimist (who are actually the cleanest, best patients ever!), ex-polygimists, people with peircings and tatoos, creepers who you really have to be careful around, people that yell at ya, people that compliment ya, people who are half asleep on valium, little kids that laugh so hard the first time they try the n20, as well as returned elder couples who bring an Ensign to read while they're in the chair. I love working with such a variety of people! But once in awhile something funny will happen that I just have to kick my head back and laugh. Yesterday in particular. A girl in her 30's was in getting some of her teeth pulled and had the roots that went opposite directions. My doctor I work for is very intelligent, very honest, easy going guy and I'm very lucky. But during this appointment he was carefully trying to get the roots... well.. something snapped, the root of the tooth went flying...hit the ceiling (i heard it hit) and somehow managed to land in my bra!!! i'm sorry but ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! haha I died. He was still in the process of getting it out so I couldn't drop my suction and say... "BRB" (be right back) I had to sit with it poking me. I'm trying to compare the size so you can have a little bit of a visual.. hmm... I'd say almost the size of a pencil eraser. haha so the second my doctor went to go grab something he needed I jolted to the bathroom with the surface wipes. I was so discusted. But all I could do was laugh. seriously. What are the odds!! gotta love my job.

Flyin' Solo

Can I just write and brag about my dad for just a second? I have the cutest dad and I was reading an entry in my journal and thought it was good enough to share on my blog.

At the beginning of this year I flew to Kentucky to meet Brad's family for new years. If you know me, you will have known where my family takes vacations and that I don't fly in airplanes all too often. The Olsen's famous vacation spot is Yellowstone, Yellowstone, and Yellowstone. So airplanes are quite the experience since I usually just drive to places. it was my very first time flying alone because Brad had flown a few weeks before me and I was going to meet him.

Let's be honest... I was quite nervous so my dad took me to the airport. Parked the car, walked me in, got my luggage taken care of, printed off my ticket, walked me to the gate and watched me while I walked through security til he couldn't see me anymore. I looked back to see him as tiny as possible because of distance and I saw him give me thumbs up. I blew him a kiss and walked away. I know this isn't that big of a deal, but to me it meant the world that he did that. I was so scared and he walked me through everything until I could do it by myself. He gave me directions on what to do when I switched planes and told me everything! I can't lie... when I blew him a kiss and walked away I got so teary eyed and realized how much I really love my dad. I always have loved him, but my heart was so grateful for what he does for me! I was in the airplane writing in my journal about how I felt about that moment and I'll be honest, I couldn't hold back my tears. I can't help but think and relate it to how Heavenly Father must have felt when he was getting ready to send us to earth. He told us what he could and then had to say goodbye and probably gave us a thumbs up while we blew him a kiss. I hear that it's hard for dad's to let their daughters get married... but I'm sure it will be hard for me when I get married someday to say goodbye and blow him a kiss. But I know he'll always be there for me with a thumbs up. I love my dad. Growing up he always gives us high fives when we walk by him and he is the most patient, loving man I've ever known. I'm so grateful for my dad and hope I marry someone a lot like him! I love you Dad!!

Bradley Grant

Am i allowed to write more than one post a day? welp... i am. here it goes. I want to tell a little bit about the boy i have been dating since thanksgiving and how we started to date. I see him as a huge blessing in my life right now and i'd like to brag a little bit about him i guess.
Let me give you a little bit of background first...
i dated someone in high school for about 3 years.. we'll call him Toad for right now. Toad was my first love, my first kiss, my first adventure. I truly loved him with all that i had. I've heard some people say that you can't know of true love when your that young. i really felt like i did.
He didn't always treat me too great. He was pretty popular in school and enjoyed the company of other girls all over him rather then his girlfriend. But he still was my very best friend. I moved up to Utah State and he went on a mission. I got an average of one letter a year. yup. 2 letters (he wrote a little while in the mtc) but other than that... nothing. Not even an explanation. Not only did he break my heart but he knew how to rip it into shreds and stomp on it. i didn't tell a whole lot of people, but my heart was broken for 2 years. i couldn't even bare to look at the mailbox because I knew it was empty. i've learned that loneliness and being ignored is the worst punishment and i will never treat anyone that way no matter who they are. so days, months went by and i prayed almost every day that i would stop thinking about Toad.
then october 2009 happened..
as some of you know i love going out, meeting new people, enjoy the company of lots of friends. my dad would call me his "gypsi girl" because my life was just crazy.
well, i went to a halloween dance party in october dressed as a nerd. Right before the party ended, i was dancing with a different boy and some handsome boy came and stole my attention. i literally left the other boy and went to talk to this handsome boy trying to get my attention. I was about to leave so we talked briefly and he got my digits and i was gone. Mind you, since it was a dance party i looked QUITE unattractive. A. i was a nerd. B. i had pants like they wore in the 80s aka. mom bum and C. my hair was a mangled mess by the end of the night.
that was the end of that. i left, and he just texted me so i would have his number in my phone as well.
A few days after that my family went through a tragedy. My sister Jaymie was 9 months pregnant and lost her sweet baby. I know i'm only the sister of her and i've only felt probably 1% of what she's felt, but i still ache for her and am amazed by her and forever will. While we were at the hospital this boy that i met at the Halloween party named Bradley Grant was texting me. I told him the nightmare we were going through right then and there, and this stranger was the only person who could tell me what I needed to hear and reminded me of the atonement.
I wrote in my journal that "i met a stranger with the biggest heart" Brad didn't know my sister, he didn't know my family, but he knew the Savior enough to help me remember that atonement is real. My sister is a huge example to me of that and how strong she is. i love her so much.
There has been other events that have happened since this Bradley Grant has been in my life... such as me starting my favorite time of the month while we're at the temple doing baptisms (our first date) or how his Thanksgiving fell through so he HAD to eat at my house. which... i loved:)
I'm telling like 5 stories at once because 2 weeks after me and Bradley started dating, Toad was supposed to be coming home from his mission. I remember talking to Brad and getting tears because even tho i was hurt i still didn't wanta hurt anyone, and i had a feeling i'd end up hurting one or the other.
so it was quite a battle for a couple weeks. I couldn't tell if i still had feelings for Toad because 3 years of dating is a lot compared to a few weeks with Brad. But Toad got home and still wanted to give it one more chance. There was once a point where plans went a little crazy and somehow i ended up at classic skating with the two of them at once and wanted to die.
Since I've been dating Brad he's treated me better than anyone i've ever met. He's made me so happy, and I love being with him. But i had tons of pictures and memories with Toad i didn't know how to let go. So Brad took action and said he would take a step back til I decided. He wouldn't talk to me for a few days but he would have someone deliver flowers and wait for me to figure things out. And for the record, he's taught me that mailboxes aren't so bad.. he'll send me letters even if he's only a half hour drive away because he knew how much an empty mailbox has hurt me in the past.
I learned a lot that week. I learned that you have to love someone for what they are now and what they will be in the future, you can't love pictures and a box of memories. It wasn't my favorite situation, but I'm loving dating him now. I don't know if I'll end up marrying him, but he really is such an incredible person. My family only sees the "goofy" side of him. but he has a huge testimony of the gospel, and would do anything for anyone in a heart beat. He has a huge heart and treats me like i'm the only girl that has ever been in his life. He always tells me how grateful he is that i've lived my life worthily, he always makes me laugh even if i have tonsils the size of texas from mono.
He flew me to Kentucky to meet his family, and whether or not I marry him or not, i am so grateful to have him in my life and the big blessing he has been and is now. He is my best friend. and that's how i met Bradley Grant:)

Small and Simple things

well, here I am trying to start up the old blog. i'm still pretty new at this so i hope i last longer than i did since the last time.
i've been home sick with mono for the passed couple weeks. i've had to drop out of school for this semester since i'm so far behind and i'm lucky to have the boss i do otherwise my job would've been history.
i have been debating to start a blog because i don't feel like my life is interesting for people to really follow. All my sisters are pretty up to date on their blogs, but i feel like their lives are so much more interesting than mine. i'm not creative, i'm not a writer, i'm not good with words, nor am i good at knowing HOW to put a blog together. but... i've decided to give my blog a theme. the only words i could come up with was "runnin round barefoot" there are a few different reasons i'm calling this blog that and it's because i've been very pessamistic lately and my boyfriend Brad always says to me "remember the small things"
I've thought about this a few times. I have absolutely nothing to complain about, but that doesn't mean i need to stand still, i feel like i need to be so grateful for what i do have. and the little things in life that are small and simple but mean so much.
i know everyone has felt the feeling of running on a beach with barefeet, or the wind in your hair, or the watching a beautiful sunset. All very small but everyone has felt the joy that it brings. so for my blog i want to write about the little things that happen almost everyday that mean so much more. Bednar might have called these "tender mercies" :)