"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured" -Pres. Hinckley

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Silent Moments

This past week was a year mark to when my sister lost her sweet little baby. I honestly can't believe that it's been a year. So much has happened this past year and I'm so grateful we're on this end rather than the beginning.

To celebrate James' birthday my family went to Olive Garden and visited the gravesite. Earlier that day my roommate said, "Aubrey, are you ok? You seem quiet." If anyone knows me they will probably know i'm anything BUT quiet.

I swallowed hard as I sat on my bed holding back tears of a memory that will forever be engraven on my mind and an angel I will never forget.

A year ago I was on a date as I recieved a call from my little sister about the bad news. I remember curling up in a ball on the kitchen floor feeling so helpless for my sister who was about to face one of the biggest obstacles in her life. I remember laying on the porch that night with a blanket, scriptures, and journal because I didn't know what to do with myself or how to help.

As we stood around the hospital bed, it was one of those moments where no words need to be spoken to understand the pain that filled the air of a broken-hearted mother. No words could explain how thick the air around us felt. All I could do was watch through a blur-full of tears and hold my own heart together with both hands. When a baby is born, they should be the one crying to the oxygen in their lungs.. not the mother.

My sister really did give birth to a complete angel. I know I'm not the mother and I can't comprehend that type of love yet, but for some reason I feel like I love that baby the exact same as anyone else in my family.

I had to give a speech in my public speaking class about someone I admire the other day. My sister Jaymie is definitely on that list because of how she handled such a hard situation. I can't imagine the pain of having your first little one taken away from you when everything seemed to be perfect. He was perfect.
As I gave my speech in my class I looked out into the audience and I could see tears well up in stranger's eyes. Some people really have such big hearts, it's incredible.

I think the Lord gives us "silent moments" where we have to clench our hearts and see life through blurry eyes to realize how important life, love, families, and the gospel are.

I compare Jaymie's situation to how the Lord and even his earthly mother Mary felt when they had to watch Jesus be crusified. I can't hardly imagine. I'm so grateful that when we go through trials Christ is there to carry us through them. Even tho my whole family could hardly eat when going through this, I felt like we had something lifting us through it day by day. I learned how much the atonement can truly save our lives when we feel desperate or heart broken. I couldn't be more grateful for the gospel in my life and the "silent moments" that help us grow and realize what really matters in our lives.