Lately I have had a lot on my mind.
This past weekend has been quite interesting. I feel like I am still getting closure from the whole wedding thing and last week I texted Brad... which was a big mistake because it turned into an argument.
He had something I gave to him that I wanted back so I went to his apartment one night to pick it up and apologize for being in the fight that happened. I asked him that I wanted to talk to him for 2 minutes and he said "when and where?" I told him "11.. and I don't care where"
welp, 11 o'clock rolls around...
So I texted him and called and he said it was a tough night to meet up. Well I was already at his apartment by then and i said I would wait til he got back (because to me some things are important to say and I'm pretty stubborn if there is something I feel like needs to be done... especially if I live 2 hours away) I was pretty frustrated with him but I waited.
He stopped responding and didn't say anything but I told him I would wait.
His neighbors wold talk to me so at least I had company.
Finally... 2:30AM rolls around and Brad's front door swings open. Not to worry- He had been inside his apartment the entire time with his new girlfriend.
You can see the dilemma already.
I honestly, was completely shocked that he would let me sit outside on his porch for 3 hours. I don't think I could let a stranger sit outside my porch for that long!
I stood up. I looked at him. I couldn't understand or believe it.
I guess he had peeked out and I didn't know.
Most of you know that I helped write lyrics to a song after the break up and I gave it to him. Not to worry, he didn't listen to it. Which is completely fine by me.
The only reason why I was there as to get what was mine and apologize for for the texting fight and just get peace. It's hard for me to understand why somebody who knows everything about you has to become nonexistant and an enemy.
He didn't want anything to do with me and uttered some words about what had happened while his girlfriend was sitting inside... i honestly felt bad for her.
He was pretty cold towards me, but I noticed while we talked at one point his eyes did get teary... I believe in a song that says "sad eyes never lie" i think it's true. After a 3 hour wait we talked for maybe 10 minutes and he was gone wanting nothing to do with me and didn't really care what I had to say.
I walked away completely crushed. My intentions were not to get back together with him, not to tell him I missed him, not to even catch up with him. My intentions were to say "sorry" and grab my stuff.
It turned into one of those nights where I just needed someone to hug the pain away. I slept with my little sister and my cute friend Mand called me the next morning to make sure I was ok.
Sometimes I feel like my life is a movie. It doesn't seem real.
All I have to say is I think boys handle things a LOT differently then girls. I've talked to a lot of boys and they always say the "clean cut" is the best way for it to be done and I can see why they say that.
But as a girl I guess I don't understand why someone needs to feel like they are betrayed or they are an enemy. You dated, you loved, you lost, and why not be grateful for it? it didn't work out, well why not be glad it didn't and move on with life knowing that there is someone you truly appreciate in the world even tho it didn't work out? Why do break ups have to be so messy?
I can honestly say how grateful I am for every boy that I've dated. I've learned valuable lessons with each and everyone of them and I'm grateful I could have those experiences. I am now friends with all of them except the latest, but maybe with time that will come. It's hard being grateful about someone who is so cold and could care less about you, but I really am grateful for what I have learned from him.
Life is good:)
1 year ago