Angel of Mercy

Time for a new post! I just feel like I need to write about what I am so grateful for and a few thoughts I've had lately. My life has taken a few spins since being home from Africa and I couldn't be happier with the blessings that I've received recently.

Although things have ended with the boy I dated for a year, I can't help but be so happy at the things I DO have going on for me in my life. Yes, it does seem like everyone and their dog is engaged and married, but I had a lesson today in institute that changed my perspective completely.

My institute teacher is a women who is 40 years of age. She is beautiful and is amazing in every single way. I really look up to her...she just has never had the opportunity to get married. But our lessons are on "women in the scriptures" and she quoted this from President Thomas S. Monson:

"Fill your heart with love. Women, you truly are angels of mercy. This is demonstrated on a grand scale through the humanitarian outreach to the cold, the hungry and to suffering wherever it is found."

She talked about the space between dating and getting married and how it's an opportunity to be an angel of mercy. Not saying that those who are married and have kids aren't angels of mercy, but there's a different duty that those who are single can fill.

I have a lot of friends going through the same "slump" of time where they feel like they're the only ones not getting married, and they're the ones that can't find the right one, or it's not working. Of course, I as well, have had my moments of feeling like "it never works out with anyone I date." or thoughts of "meh, i've done the engagement thing before, i'd rather not."

It's discouraging.

But after this lesson I have a new outlook on life. Yes, of course I want to get married (although joining the nunary sounds nice as well) but there is so much to live for! Instead of waiting around for the "right thing to happen" I want to MAKE the right things happen by doing more than just my typical everyday things.

I recently have met a friend who is a prime example of this. Every chance he gets he serves anyone and everyone around him. It's very admirable. I would definitely consider him an angel of mercy because he is constantly involved in the lives of others. I want to be like that. I want to be the relief of someone's day, or the breathe of fresh air that someone needs.

Sometimes things don't always turn out how you plan them to...in fact, most of the time I would have to say they don't hardly at all! But I think it's about what we DO have control over and what we CAN do is what really matters. Then everything else will fall into place.

I hope to be an angel of mercy to those around me. Definitely have a lot I need to work on, but I couldn't be more grateful for what I've been given and this time in my life.

Dare to Dream!

(my little sis skydiving!)

"there are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into another"

douglas h. everett

I absolutely LOVE this quote. It is so true! My friend always tells me how I live in a "dream world". Even though this isn't necessarily a GOOD thing, but i'm happy to admit that I do. There is something so rewarding about working so hard for something you really want and finally achieving it.

Before I went to Africa I have to admit, I was so stressed with being able to afford it.. in fact, a few months before I left was the first time that I've had to ask my parents for money. I didn't know how it was all going to work out, but I made sure to pay my tithing and worked my butt off. With the help of so many friends and family, and huge hearts of so many around me, I was able to fundraise the entire trip. It was seriously such a miracle. There would be times when I would open up my scriptures and someone left a "secret" note with $100 donation. I felt so blessed and will forever be so grateful for everyone who helped me be able to get to Africa and live one of my biggest dreams.

But I've come to learn that if there is something you are really passionate about, or really want to do NOTHING should be stopping you. Not money, not fear, nothing! The hardest part is making the decision to DO IT... once your focus is on the "why" part of what you want to do, the "how" falls into place.

While I was on a bus ride in the middle of Africa on dirt roads and passing small villages, I thought to myself "I finally am living my dream, but when I get home, then what?" And I had to think of my next dream. My good friend told me to write down a bucket list of 100 things... which, if you've tried you realize that you have to RACK your brains out for 100 things to put on paper.

Here's a few on my list:

-Fly in a hot-air balloon

-Go Scuba diving

-Skydiving (a given)

-Fly in a helicopter

-Visit a castle in England

-Go on a road trip with no destination

-Learn how to play the harmonica in a hamick (just because)

-Swim with a dolphin

-Be a dental hygienist that travels to 3rd world countries

the list goes on.

My grandpa turned 80 this past year and decided to go paragliding! I love that and hope when I'm that old I'll still have it in me to turn dreams into reality!

Never the same

I've been putting off writing on my blog for awhile now. I have tried to start many different posts and they always end up in "drafts" because I can't finish them. I don't feel like I am full of inspiration, or life-changing quotes since I've been back from Africa. In fact, I feel more of a loss of words and my mind feels blank. Almost like there is too much to say, how can I even start?

People ask me "So, how was Africa?".... I can only answer in one word because if I really told them how it was it would take me days to explain how amazing it really was. "good" or "amazing" just don't answer the question truthfully.

All that I know is the lessons I've learned from living in Africa have changed me forever. I can't really describe it... other then that I feel that I "fit in" way better with hundreds of people who don't have my skin color, than just one person that does. My home isn't where there are hot showers, air conditioning, and a pantry full of food... My home is where you walk down the dirt road and have little school girls running to hug you yelling "Aubra" while you hop a boda boda to get to the market to find the power out while snacking on soft crackers.

Since being home my mom asked me "How have I changed?" Part of me had a hard time answering that question. My whole life and perspective has changed since being back.... for instance:

1. I have a button to roll down my car window automatically??

2. I have buyers remorse before I even think about buying something.

3. I cancel hair appointments because I have a hard time spending money to get pampered.

4. I watch my left overs extra long as they go down the disposal...feeling guilty.

5. I say "Thank you my friend" and some people ask "Do I know you?" when I talk to them because I was too friendly. (heaven forbid)

6. I'm intimidated by white people.

7. I hold my sister's babies and think how lucky they are to have a home and new clothes.

8. I think how smooth the roads are and grateful for the painted lines.

9. I say mounTain and buTTon... my Utah accent is shot!

10. I still pray for my food that there won't be any "worms, bugs, or bacteria"

Even though these are just little things, I am so grateful for the chance I got to go over there. Working as a volunteer is amazing because even though you are there to help other people... in the end they're the ones that change your life forever.

I've had a pretty bad guilt trip since being home. Who am I to be so lucky to live in America? Why do I get to have a mansion house and a screen that turns on with a click of a button? But at the same time... even though I might have a lot of "things", those amazing people have more than most of us. They have more happiness that some people have never seen before. They have hardly anything and yet know how to truly be happy. They live the law of love. It takes years, sometimes decades for people to learn about love, and these people live it every day. They literally scrape for anything they have... and yet are so willing to give ALL they have. Probably the most selfless people in the world.

So if I take anything from my experience, I've learned that I'm selfish and want to be like the people I was able to work with. I've also learned that the Lord is really with you every step of every day when you are serving his people. I learned very quickly while I was there that He loves those people just as much as he does me. He is very aware of what they have to live with, what they have to go through, how many meals they've missed, and how they have to survive. It made my problems seem like nothing.

While I was there, a big "dent" in my life seemed to scar over. I had mentioned earlier in my blog about calling off a wedding. I can honestly say that instead of thinking of that trial I went through every single day... it is replaced by the beautiful kids I got to be with every single day. My mind forgets the heartache of my own troubles and remembers those that have changed my life forever. I feel like that is one of the biggest blessings I could've probably been given. I know that the Lord is with us no matter what kind of "conditions" we go through.

One of the Sundays I was there we sang this...

In every condition, -- in sickness, in health,

In poverty's vale, or abounding in wealth,
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea, --
The Lord, the Almighty, they strength e'er shall be

I've gained a testimony that this is true. He was my strength in Africa and will always continue to be right by me as well as in front of me. I will forever be so grateful for my Africa experience.

I will never be the same.

tips!

As most of you know, I am leaving to Africa in about a week and a half! I'm not the best "traveler" because I haven't really done it that much. I'm wondering if you have any tips as far as airplanes go.

what to bring to keep me entertained?

How to get rid of jet-lag the fastest?

should I take a sleeping pill?

any good books?

My layovers go from dallas to new york to Paris to London to UGANDA!!!

This is truly my biggest dream in my life so far and I can't believe i'm actually living it in a little over a week! So many things to do but I would be so grateful with any tips any of you might have:)

gratitude list

1. so grateful for showers... only cuz it makes your voice sound way better when you sing in them.

2. so grateful for the client on the phone who wanted to talk about my trip to Africa because he was so excited for me.

3. so grateful the wind blew in the right direction so my hair didn't go in my face. (secretly a pet peeve)

4. so grateful for people that donated to help for my trip.

5. so grateful for how individual the gospel really is.

Pickles in Bed

Tonight i was texting my little sis and i guess i was smiling about something because Nick was all "What are you smirking about over there." all that came to mind was "it's a sister thing".

I love my sisters and brother so much! They all are my very best friends and I feel so lucky to have a strong relationship with all of them.

Me and my little sister Ang have been tied at the hip. We are polar opposites yet we get along so well. For instance... she's super athletic while I may or may not have almost gotten paralyzed trying to do a backflip...She's super smart and a fast learner while i'm more worried about the color of my hair and what kind of ice cream I want. She's naturally funny and everyone laughs so hard at her jokes... me on the other hand just "think" i'm funny and laugh at my own jokes. haha I could go on.. but somehow we manage to be the best of friends.

I'm just writing this because there is something about sisters that you just can't explain. Those of you who have sisters that are close to know exactly what I'm talking about. There's just an instant bond.

Me and Ang share the best and worst of memories and she is my ultimate example through everything.

When we were little we would sleep in the same room... share the same twin bed and hold hands at night just in case a burglar came he couldn't take one without the other. Or if one of us by the wall we would easily wake the other if a spider happened to crawl up the wall. But a tradition that we always did for some reason was eat pickles in bed. We would lay there talking and all of a sudden get these cravings... so we'd go sneak into the kitchen and bring back pickles in our bed and chomp on those juicy things. I loved that.

This one particular time we were going to bed and we were taught to always say our prayers. Ang DREADED when I said the prayer because I would pray for every cat and dog in the nation so it ended up taking a year and a half just to say a nightly prayer. Well... this one time we were both on our knees together and I was praying my heart out and all of a sudden I feel this movement in the middle of my prayer... I peaked open one eye and saw the little twit trying to get out and escape my prayer! I immediately halted the prayer and gasped and said "WHAT are you doing?!" ... angie's face goes bright red and says "i... i have to go to the bathroom so bad!" as she's holding her crotch. I was so shocked that she would be so irreverent to leave during my prayer so I said "You're gonna have to hold it" and made her come back and kneel by me til i was finished. haha to this day I kinda feel bad, and so glad she forgave me... poor thing just had to go potty!

Another memory I have of Ang is that we had piano lessons one day but my mom wasn't able to drive us. (we were about 9 and 13), so I told my mom that we could ride our scooter and we would be just fine! My mom had an uneasy feeling about it, but i convinced her we would be just fine. (NOTE: our teacher lived clear down a really busy street) So we had our razer scooters of course and after we finished our lessons we started up the busy road that was on a steep hill.

Well, halfway up there was construction on the side of the road so they closed off the sidewalk. Me being so brave at this situation because I was in the 7th grade and knew exactly what to do... i started jay-walkin it across the street. Ang like always, just followed my every move. Well, the road had a lot of small hills in it so it is hard to see cars that are coming down. We happened to be right smack center of the lane when a car was zooming down at 40 miles per hour right in front of us. I don't know how it happened but I remember grabbing Ang towards me as the car flew almost on the sidewalk and slammed it's breaks so hard that it almost rolled.

I remember looking at the skid marks and my heart pounding how real and close that could have been to losing my bestest friend in the whole wide world. To this day I know it wasn't me that grabbed her to safety. I will forever be grateful for that angel that did tho! The whole way home I just BAWLED... Ang didn't cry a single drop. She just comforted me the entire time. She was the big sister that day and to this day I believe that she still is.

She's moving off to college this year and I know that no matter how far away we are we'll still be best friends. Whenever I go home for the weekend or a night, we still sleep in the same bed...mostly for me I guess. It's comforting to know that if a burglar came or any other hard trial comes in our lives... it won't get one of us without the other.

I love that red headed babe. Always.

Africa!

Well peeps... I leave to Africa in about 2 weeks and staying there for about 3 months teaching dental hygiene... i started another blog that will have everything from the trip updated on there as often as I can!

check out:

aubreyinafrica.blogspot.com

wish me luck!