a little change?

I just realized that I write on my blog for a few different reasons... to keep an updated journal, release emotion, but most of all i think it's just therapeutic for me.

but sometimes when life is going a little TOO well, I forget to write.

I've got some good news:)

My life has done a complete 360 that no one really knows about... and i think that's part of the fun. I feel like I'm a happy person generally, but right now I feel like I'm happy by complete accident.

how do i know?

I smile when I'm alone.

I dance in the shower.

I sing at the top of my lungs in the car.

I do a "shoulder" dance when my alarm goes off even at 6:30 in the AM(yes, it's a Michael Jackson song)

I'm content and just feel like the world looks brighter!

I just feel so blessed right now!!! I can't even explain:) so...just stay tuned I guess!

New Shades

Yesterday I went on a date with my mom and dad. Yup, that may or may not be the reason why they call me "Kip". But I enjoyed it. I hang out with them all the time and I am completely content and love living at home with my best friends.

So we went and got a Jamba Juice. First thing my dad will ask me, is to rate the boys I go out with. And lately, I'm just kind of burnt out from the whole dating scene. It's probably bad, but I like doing things on my own and I enjoy just being alone sometimes. I find myself happy and content doing my own thing. I enjoy studying for once, I love my job and feel lucky to be where I'm at school and work-wise. I have the best people around me and feel so blessed.

So we're in the car discussing my love life(s), and lately I feel a lot of pressure from everyone around me to get married. I'm 23. And Utah hates that I'm not married having my second child already. But I feel like things will happen when they're supposed to happen. It's definitely easier said than done though.

When the conversation got more into depth, I said, "Sorry mom, that I didn't find the love of my life at 18 and have everything work out so perfectly like you did."

My mom's response was this...

"I guess some people just see life through rose colored glasses."

Time paused and got my thinking. Even though I don't know most of the details of my parents lives and the trials they've had or are going through, they have ALWAYS had the best outlook on life and make the best of every situation they're in. The grass isn't greener on the other side for them, only because they water and mow it on their own side. Life is beautiful and wonderful if you MAKE it that way.

I learned a pretty big lesson that day. More than my parents probably would know. I do get discouraged, I do get burnt out from life, I do feel like I'm failing sometimes, or that I'm not doing enough. I do feel stubborn and bitter about some things, or frustrated... but that can all change with a new outlook!

So today... I'm gonna get me some new shades:)

All about Worries

(me and my sammy)

I don't know why I was thinking about this...but have ya ever thought about the worries you had when you were little?

For example:

Worrying about who your teacher will be for the next grade. or...

Worrying about your parents getting a divorce because they got in a simple argument. or...

Worrying if you were going to get EXACTLY what you asked Santa. or...

Worrying if your best friend did their chores so they can "play". or...

Worrying about who is going to be the president of the "club" for that day and who is allowed in the club. or even...

Worrying about if your mud nest needed more grass in it or not. (haha ok, that might have just been me)

Then you hit middle school, and it looks more like this:

Worrying about your first zit that magically formed on your forehead.

Worrying if you need to have braces or not... and secretly excited if the dentist says yes.

Worrying about being on your period during gym class.

Worrying about the boy you have a crush on in 3rd period because in your head you "could" marry him. haha

And then College hits and looks like this:

"oh shiz...i have to pay for the lights and the heater in my home?"

Worrying about paying for school and staying up til 4am laughing at nothing. (perfect for your 7 o clock class, right?).

Worrying about how to cook and not gain weight; and which roommate isn't doing her dishes.

And I'm sure the list constantly changes as you grow, get married, raise kids, become empty nesters, and grandparents. But the point is, everyone has their own set of worries! I was thinking about the worries that I have right now. And yes, I worry about school and being able to study enough to earn a grade I have to pay for outta my pocket. I worry about my kids in Africa and if they got a meal today, or my grandparents getting sick.

Not to get all churchy again, but I was reading in the Book of Mormon about those two guys (yes, this is why i'm put as the sunday school teach to learn this stuff). But how they were able to be delivered from the fire and the prison that was falling down. I'm sure they had a few worries about gettin hit in the head, or if they were even going to breathe the next day. But the Lord delivered them because of their faith... they didn't just give up, sit in the middle of the prison and "worry".

They moved.

Lately, I feel like my worries go away when I "move". I've had my share of heart aches and I'm sure more to come, but when you put your best foot forward you learn a different kind of happiness. There would be times when I would worry or hurt so much about something and followed what a quote said once to say in my prayers, "Heavenly Father, you worry about this for me, I can't do it anymore, I've got too much to do" And He does. I know that there are so many others out there that have SO much more to worry about then I do. But even when prison walls are falling down on us, if we're willing to just MOVE...

He'll make sure everything is taken care of.

just a day at the doctor...

So...the other day I had to go to the dermatologist to check out my moles on my back. That kind of sounds gross and I used to hate them, but once a boy told me they were sexy, so I look at them as beauty marks instead!

Well, Ang was down for Christmas break and also has a mole that needed to be looked at as well, so it was a perfect opportunity for a sister check up!

We scheduled an appointment together for this lovely experience. Ang doesn't love going to the doctor at all, I personally don't mind it, but it's something that she dreads for weeks if she knows she has to go in.

So there we were. Sitting in the waiting room. "Aubrey and Angie, want to come back together?"

done.

Mind you, Angie's mole is a little bit more wild then mine. It is in a location that is a little bit more...revealing. The middle of her chesticles.(thanks to my brother in law for that word)

nurse: "So, if your mole is on your arm and you can just lift up your shirt that is just fine, or we have gowns if you need."

Ang: "uhhhh, we're definitely gonna need the gowns."

So the nurse handed us these crisp robes to put on like you would if you were having surgery. Only two ties, one by the neck and one in the middle of the back, with the rest just gaping open. She said to leave our pants on if our moles were just on our upper part of our body. Which gave us something to joke about for the next 15 minutes while waiting for the doctor.

Ang goes, "what if I just got butt naked in this thing and then the doctor comes in and I'm all...'oh, excuse me doc, my mole is on my elbow' as my butt was hangin out."

I'm sorry but WHAT? sorry if this is gross to some people or inappropriate but I died laughing. We had all these jokes going the whole time. Ang then puts on her gown and stands up for me to take a picture of her in it. But right before I took it I realized that because she was standing so close to the window, the sun was shining perfectly so you could see RIGHT through it. I stopped dead in my tracks before taking the picture and laughed so hard! The people in the office were probably wondering what we were celebrating in the exam room because we were seriously laughing our heads off.

The doctor came in, checked our beauty marks one at a time and we were good to go. Needless to say, trips to the doctors are MUCH more entertaining when you've got your best friend crackin jokes and ready to walk the run way in her beautiful gown to model for you.

haha I love my sister.

i. love. this.

God's Love

A couple weeks ago I had to teach a lesson in Sunday School about God's love for us. As I was preparing my lesson, I couldn't help but remember so many instances that happened when I would walk the streets of Africa and recognize how individual God's love really is for each of us.

His love for the ones living on the streets,

His love for the lonely baby who cries for the mama who passed during delivery,

His love for the woman in an abusive relationship,

His love for the man without any legs,

His love for the the kids who stand in a long line at school for a half a cup of watered down porridge...or those who don't get any food at all for the day.

His love for the hospitalized.

There was a specific day where my heart was torn to pieces and I couldn't breathe. I was volunteering at the hospital and was able to witness some of the surgeries. All of a sudden the door flung open and a man handed a 2 pound baby to the doctor. This baby was left in an African hut during a fire caused by a candle that got too close to a mosquito net. I don't want to be descriptive, mostly because it still breaks my heart to think about. But when a tiny body is burnt like that...they don't have much left. This little body was put on a cold metal surgery table. Laid there. alone. without any clothing. Her little hands were black and non-existent. All you could see was a a tiny chest go up and down to a faded heartbeat.

My whole heart was swollen with tears. How could this possibly be real life? That tiny little soul didn't have anything left....but the love of God.

I've often thought to myself "why did God allow that to happen?" or "that person was doing everything right, why couldn't God change how things turned out?"

I've come up with a few different conclusions. I believe that God doesn't "cause" something to happen, but he permits it to happen so that we can learn things that in no other way we'd be able to, and become something that only He knows we're capable of. I know that day, that the Lord shed tears for that tiny body on that table. And i'm sure He wept when she entered into heaven to live with Him again. He cares so much about every single soul whether your the president of the United States, or a 2 pound baby in a small village.

God's love for us is so real and individual. No matter what it is we go through, big or little. He cares about every single thing.

I made a video about the people in Africa. The song is called "Beside you" and I can't help but relate that's how our relationship can be with the Lord. His love for us is so powerful and he'll be right beside us every step of the way!

sometimes a girl just needs flowers..

THANK YOU CORY:)

These were magically delivered to me at work. It's been a pretty rough week with a lot of things going on and adding up. I'm not really one to receive flowers from boys... and it was quite nice to say the least.. i felt like the luckiest girl at work that day. And I am.

Thanks for all you do for me Cory!