So.. it has been about a month and a half since things got called off. A few days after the drama settled down, my friend Alex Pavia asked me to put my feelings into words and write lyrics for a song he was putting together. I fed him a bunch of stuff and he put it into a way to fit perfectly with the song he wrote on the guitar. He's awesome and I'm excited for everyone to be able to hear it.
Here's the lyrics:
Meant To Be:
We were never meant to be, and everything we had is slowly deteriorating.
Oh, everything I know will all just have to go...
leave me, i just feel like being alone.
You call me back, but i pretend i'm asleep
My hands are cold but my heart is racing
We're fallng down out of this dream
I'm waking up to a burning reality.
I can't stay and I can't go, I try to hid, but I always wanta show
you're draggin out the pain of this goodbye, I gave you one too many tries
We were right but felt so wrong, I'm weak from holding back my tongue
I was blind but finally I see, that we weren't meant to be.
Tears pouring down like rain, and I can't stand this pain
I know that I'm breaking your heart again
Oh and I can't seem to find words to ease your mind
So i'll just leave, I'll leave with this goodbye
I lie awake, the blood in my veins is aching for you, i'm aching for you
Memories remain, but everythings changed,
like an open wound, i'm aching for you
You call me back, but i pretend it doesn't hurt
And I pretend you've got it worse.. I ain't coming back
I'm bleeding slow, I can't let you know
I can't let you see that this is killing me.
When he was putting it all together he would send me rough drafts through e-mail and I still fall asleep to it playing on repeat. It's very theraputic. I've never really written a song that went this far.. i use to put some lyrics together but it's awesome to have someone sing exactly how I feel and that's what Alex did with this song. (let me know how you readers like it!)
As far as updates with life, i'm gettin back on my feet.
Its the stage where:
-You smile because that's what makes ya get through the day to enjoy life.
-Everytime a memory pops in your head, you pray to forget it.
-You don't sob anymore, but once in awhile tears will slowly drip on your pillow.
-When something funny happens you laugh extra hard because you grasp that small moment of happiness.
-Dreams are still better than reality and you wake up with a pit in your stomach.
-When someone gives you a hug you hesitate to pull back because you want them to hug the worries away.
-You watch others gettin married or dating and can't help but gag.
-Your alone in a crowded room.
and last.. your heart just aches.
I've come to realize that life really is too short to be sad tho! Life really is beautiful. I still stand by my saying that:
"Time doesn't heal a thing.. but time with the savior can heal ANYthing"
Even when it's hard, I believe that with all my heart! I'm so grateful for the blessings I have in my life and couldn't be more thankful for my family. They're my best friends.
I've come to realize too that sometimes it's ok that things don't work out.
sometimes things turn out how they're
"meant to be".
*special thanks to Alex Pavia.. check out his other stuff on youtube.. he's awesome.
1 year ago